VENTIN' MY SPLEEN

Yay! praise Lord, I'm now at the venerable age when I can be classed as a GOOG Grumpy Old Ozzie Guy. Not that I'm going to roam the streets waving my walking stick (er, don't own one) or shooing innocent little puppies or kittens; but I can use this column to vent my spleen - or better still, get it orf me chest.

I'm not a movie buff but do like to see a good one frequently. Take the movie: Australia. You know the one: Right! Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. not a bad pic in general, but; having gone through a 'cadetship' in print journalism I learnt how to spot a glaring error. Nit picking, perhaps, but little things like I'm about to tell you, annoy the heck outa me. My pen colleague known as Rim, tells me, that this is part of the enjoyment of it all.

WOE IS ME

I'm in deep domestic trouble. The Resident Redhead has taken me to task for having the temerity to criticise the movie Australia.

No no, dear one, I'm just pointing out just three inaccuracies: Apart from these, I didn't mind the movie, as far-fetched as it was.

Blooper 1: Drover uses the expression: 'Listen Up.' This is an American expression and not used by Australians especially ex-WW1 Diggers, as Drover claimed to be. 'Listen In,' was the expression in vogue in Oz.

Blooper 2: When Capt Dutton okays the movement of cattle, a close-up of the certificate shows his rank as CPT - again, another US expression, in use since Vietnam. Capt was the accepted abbreviation for both US and Australian officers in WW2.

Blooper 3. The evacuation of Darwin. A bearded Australian Army Military Policeman.
Australian servicemen- especially MPs - who had to set a high dress standard - did and do not wear beards - that was the privilege of the RAN - and infantry pioneer sergeants.

That being said, I took a trip to the classic movies via my You Tube and pulled one of my favourite movies of pre-teen days – Francis The Talking Mule – with Donald O’Connor. In one of the jungle scenes, I heard a Kookaburra laughing and saw a shot of a white sulphur-crested cockatoo on a tree. Surely not in Burma.

I once had a theory in my acting days: If you can’t act, you teach; If you can’t teach, you crit.

My plea to the supreme beings of all persuasions: Please, don’t turn me into a film critic, pretty please.

MEDIA MISSES

As a fourth estater, it has been my lot to ensure what went out, went out correctly. Can't win 'em all though and our media reporters especially the glamour guys 'n dolls of TV land, fall into that category. Recently, we were informed that the capacity of two of our New South Wales Central West dams had increased since January. Now we all know, or do we, that capacity is the ability to hold a fluid, very similar to volume. What she meant was the water had risen.

A female TV reporter, two in fact, referred to two famous cricketers as being 'former cricket legends.' This is like saying that Babe Ruth and Joe Di Maggio were former baseball legends. I can hear the Bronx cheer from here.

When does one cease being a legend?

To the Weekend reporter who did the story on the Brazilian all you can eat restaurant in Coogee - Sydney. M'dear, 'gaucho' is not Mexican, it's Argentine. A Mexican cowboy is a vaquero or Charo. Brazilians are Portuguese speakers - thus the Brazilian cowboys are Vaquieros.

Oh yes! Next time a radio presenter, DJ or whatever says "you out there" ring the offending station and tell management that we are not 'out there, it's you who are in my space, ya dumb jocks or words to that effect,

LAST WORD (penultimate)

Let us all unite and lobby the pollies to make it illegal at the risk of banishing to the nether regions of this wide brown land - and your land, those TV presenters who insist on saying 'Welcome Back after a station break'. Welcome back from where? We're still been there and suffered the less than seat-gluing commercials. Hey guys! you broke from us – therefore it us, the viewer who should be welcoming you back. Anyway, you don't mean it. so why say it.

Well, The Real Last Word

Next month in NSW is show time and the big event is Sydney's Royal Easter Show - our version of the US State Fair (Great movie too). It's glitz, glamor and a looksee at what the State produces in Ag and horticulture, craft, industry, manufacturing and the like. In the early years it had been a fair dinkum good old family event. Now, it's a case of - and I'm being facetious here- mortgaging the house to buy a family ticket. That's juist to get in. Once inside, the kids'll want show bags - in the old days, they were simply 'sample bags'. These show bags contain all sorts of gewgaws and at last count, the highest price was $25 for one. Expect to fork out at least $50 for an armful of show bags.

I'll bne back. :o)