I 've just been thinking. Thinking about those poor old 'baddies', who get clobbered in all movies, stories and the like. I began wondering, what compensation to these poor old protaganists get. Nada!, folks, Zip, Zilch, diddly Squat. This, gang, is not fair. Given the new workplace relations act, fairness should abound. My alter ego, one, Hamilton Y. Katto, fictitious reporter, that he is, found this note in his in-box. What! baddies going out on strike. Storydom wil never be the same again. Read on and join the cause!
B.O.N.U.S. Brotherhood of Nasties Unilaterally Striking.
The authors were worrying – oh dear what could they do.
The printers had no jobs at all and they were worried too.
Agents, Editors, publishers were really up the wall.
Antagonists in fairy tales – well, there were none at all.
Heroes, sure and heroines, kings and queens galore.
Princesses and pretty girls – all there by the score.
Princes, tailors, soldiers, sailors, what were they to do.
Nobody to fight with - they didn't have a clue.
Giants, ogres, goblins, robbers by the dozen.
Wicked wolves in their dens and witches in their covens.
Evil queens were laying low, dragons gone to ground.
Bad guys in the fairy tales – sorry, none around.
All the story characters, evil, ugly, nasty, rough.
Decided all to call it quits and said "enough's enough.
We've been hissed and hit, booed and killed and every rotten caper.
So that's it sport, we're dropping tools withdrawing all our labor.
"You want an ogre, giant, troll or wicked wolf to play.
Then we will up the ante, our rates are triple pay.
Four times if we're killed or maimed plus a loading if we're booed.
Our union says five percent, but twenty-five will do.
"Stepmothers and ugly sisters want free credit cards
For trolls, free makeovers, for wicked queens, good guards.
A good share of the TV rights –a say in movie scripts.
So cough up Mr Disney or all of us will quit.
"For months and years and decades – we have all been fighting.
The time has come to right the wrongs, so authors get on righting
Our B.O.N.U.S theme song we will sing our policy a-citing.
Brotherhood Of Nasties Unilaterally Striking.
©al mccartan 2003
3 comments:
Mr. McCartan, Esq.
Regarding your very interesting commentary/prose on the B.O.N.U.S. issue. I just happen to represent...know some of those types of which you speak. In fact one of my client...aquaintances, a Mr.B. Bad Wolf, an actor who specializes in sheep roles, was the very victim of which you speak. His character was besmirched and tainted by this young woman who went by one name, Red, who claimed that this loving rascal made an attempt on her life. In spite of claiming his innocence, the temptress went around telling everyone within an earshot: "he's just a wolf in sheep's clothing." The long and short of it is that my...friend's career is over and he has been forced to do bit parts in fabric softener commercials. Where should my friend sign up?
Yours truly (kind of),
Ellie-kins the Bardess of Laval
Bardess d'Laval.
Our B.O.N.U.S. representative, will be in Canada to speak to Baddies about the benefits of B.O.N.U.S. membership. A brother of the Lupus persuasion should not have to resort to demeaning parts.
I am glad you have taken over the representation of B.B. Wolf. His role as a past-his-use by-date ram, although worthy of his acting talents was not a role B.O.N.U.S. endorses for our Wolf. I have taken the liberty of passing Mr. Wolf's case to B.O.N.U.S. legal team, led by a Mr. Claude Coyote (brother of cartoon star and birds chaser, Charlie Coyote).
No member of B.O.N.U.S. will be forced to do bit parts outside of his/her character and Mme. Francoise de la Montcalm-Wong of S.O.L.U.S. who represents Shoppers of Laval and the US will arrange to have boycott action taken against the aforesaid fabric softener company, until sheep play sheep and wolves play the role intended for them.
Australian shoppers are now used to seeing fluffy ducklings representing softness in that country's softener commercials. Cuteness rules.
The woman who played the role of Red and the actress who played (and very badly too), the grandmother, have been counselled by U.G.G.L.I. that is Universal Good Guys and Ladies Incorporated as to toning down their actions against B.O.N.U.S. members.
You can understand, of course, that Red and her cohorts now have to kiss and make up at the end of every story, so savvy kids do not grow upo, thinking the world is a fairytale land.
I trust this clarifys all
Yours most sincerely
M.R. McCartan esq
B.O.N.U.S.
Howdy Al,
Just visiting from Timeless Tales to say howdy and see how you've been. We still miss you and are keeping your seat warm. Feel free to stop by and say hello now and then!!
M
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